Life In The Shadows - When Control Crosses a Line. Financial Abuse.

Financial Abuse: What It Is, How To Spot It and Where To Get Help.

Abuse doesn’t always leave bruises, shout or slam doors.

Sometimes it's completely silent.

It can hide behind a joint bank account, a withheld allowance, or debt that has been run up in your name.

Every one of these things are financial abuse, and although it may not look the same as other forms of abuse - its impact can be just as devastating.

Put simply, financial abuse is another form of control. Its what happens when someone uses money or access to resources as a weapon to isolate, intimidate, or trap you.

Way too often, as with other types of abuse, it goes unnoticed or you find yourself making excuses and brushing it off as “just being careful with money.”

It can be difficult to recognise and distinguish this type of abuse from someone who genuinely is just very cautious, but make no mistake:

If someone limits your ability to earn, spend, or save as a way to control you, that is abuse.

Economic or financial abuse can be a difficult one to recognise, especially in today's world. We are finding that exercising caution around finances is becoming more and more important as the cost of living continues to rise with no real sense of slowing.

How do we know what is financial abuse and what is caution?

This type of abuse takes many forms with some of the most common including:

• Controlling your income: Someone stopping you from working when you want or need to, taking your wages or deciding how every penny is spent is control and economic coercion.

• Forcing financial dependence: Giving you a small “allowance” and demanding you justify every purchase.

• Running up debts in your name: Using your credit cards, loans, or identity to accumulate debt that you’re left to deal with.

• Sabotaging employment: This can be devastating to your independance. Hiding transport money, damaging work clothes, or causing emotional stress before interviews or shifts will eventually impact on your job. This runs a very real risk of you losing it and leaving you completely dependant on your abuser.

• Hiding assets: Keeping you in the dark about savings or shared finances while claiming there’s “no money.”

  
  

It’s not always dramatic. It can be as subtle as someone constantly questioning your spending.

Like all forms of abuse though - this is not your fault.

“I didn’t realise it was abuse at first. I thought I was bad with money. He’d always say, ‘Let me handle the finances, you get overwhelmed.’ Eventually, I had no access to our accounts, no card of my own, and no idea what bills were being paid.”— Jess, survivor

When someone controls your money, they control your choices.

It can feel impossible to leave when you don't know how you will be able to afford rent, childcare or food. Survivors often describe a feeling of being completely trapped in their situation because the alternative looks like homelessness or hunger. This can magnify exponentionally when there are children involved as well.

The emotional toll of this type of abuse is just as heavy - eroding your confidence and leaving you feeling completely powerless.

Unfortunately, unlike other types of abuse, financial abuse doesn’t always end when you leave either. It can be the beginning of a long journey.

Often, survivors are left rebuilding from nothing—emotionally and financially.

The damage that someone else can do can impact not only your confidence and ability to feel secure in any financial decisions you make, but it can affect your ability to get credit or rent a new home dependant on the kind of damage the abuser has done.

“He took out loans in my name. When I tried to leave, I was in debt and couldn’t even get a flat because my credit was ruined.”— Emily, survivor

Although getting away is the first and most important step, it is the beginning of the journey.

There are many charities out there who can offer help and support, and who will work with you to create a long term plan to get you back on your feet one step at a time.

The question is, how do you start that process of getting your independance back?

If you suspect you’re experiencing financial abuse:

• Reach out for support: A trusted friend or domestic abuse service can help you understand your rights and options.

• Secure key documents: Save copies of IDs, account details, and credit records in a safe place.

• Seek financial advice: Organisations like Citizens Advice can help with budgeting, debt advice, and benefits support.

• Don’t face it alone: Abuse thrives in silence. Talking about it is the first step to freedom.

  
  

No one deserves to be controlled by anyone, no matter how they present it to you.

If they are restricting and controlling you financially, then they are abusing you.

You deserve the right to make your own decisions, to access your own money and to live free from fear.

If this is happening to you:

You’re not being over-sensitive.

You’re not imagining things.

You're not alone.

It's not your fault.

You can contact us here at Shatter the Silence NE via our contact form on the homepage, by email on shatterthesilencene@gmail.com or via whatsapp or telephone on 07922 562752.

Below are details of some of the charities that can guide you through escaping this type of abuse. For more details on UK abuse charities, follow the link below.

https://www.shatterthesilence.info/uk-contacts-and-charities

• Surviving Economic Abuse www.survivingeconomicabuse.org

  Expert guidance and survivor-led resources for financial abuse.

• Refuge

  Call 0808 2000 247 (24-hour free helpline)www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

• Women’s Aid www.womensaid.org.uk

  Live chat support and safety planning advice.

• Citizens Advice www.citizensadvice.org.uk

  Help with debt, benefits, and employment rights.

Lets all work together to Shatter the Silence on abuse, and destroy the stigma connected to it.