Understanding Abuse and the Bruises You Can't See - Emotional Abuse

Not all wounds are visible.

Not all pain leaves a mark you can point to.

Sometimes, the most harmful kind of abuse is the kind that makes you question whether it’s even abuse at all.

Today we are looking at emotional abuse, what it is and some of the more common side effects for family and friends to be aware of.

The most important thing to realise is that emotional abuse doesn't always come with shouting and screaming. It doesn't always come with threats and taunts.

More often than not it creeps up quietly, disguised as something very different to the reality of what it is.

It can appear as concern or be disguised as love.

It stays hidden in the silence that follows a cruel comment, and the growing feeling that you're constantly walking on eggshells—never quite sure what version of someone you're going to get.

It will leave your body on high alert and hyper vigilant for even the slightest change in your environment, preparing you for what you know will be a brutal onslaught that you will question over and over again till you feel like you are going crazy.

You will find yourself justifying the derogatory comments - making excuses for your abusers behaviour to yourself and those around you in an attempt to understand what makes you such a broken, damaged human being in their eyes.

You will question your value constantly, and you will never quite understand, if you are so awful - why do they stay?

You will spend your time tying yourself further and further up into knots until you don't know who you are anymore or what you are doing.

And that is the point at which they begin to truly have control.

Have you ever felt like you were losing your sense of self or been made to feel like you were “too sensitive” or “overreacting"?

Have you ever apologised for things that weren’t your fault, just to keep the peace?

If any of these things resonate then there is a good chance you may know know what emotional abuse feels like and how hard it is to break away.

"I didn’t realise it was abuse, because there were no bruises. But the silence, the control, the constant blame—that broke me in ways I couldn’t explain."

So, What is Emotional Abuse?

The need to control is the simple answer to that question, although it is much more in depth than that.

A huge element of this type of abuse involves diminishing someone over time until they no longer trust their own feelings, instincts or worth.

Unlike other types of abuse, emotional abuse is incredibly insidious. It will creep up quietly and generally won't be loud or aggressive. More often than not it is quiet and consistent - a slow erosion of who you are and before you know it, you are shattered and broken to a point where you have lost all sense of self.

You may find that your abuser will constantly tell you that you are lucky that you have them. After all, who else would put up with your damaged, broken parts?

They will tell you that everything they do that is hurtful or derogatory is down to you. That your pathetic, useless existence has made them this way, and that they wouldn't be like this if they didn't have to put up with you.

You may find that they begin to isolate you from family and friends - more specifically those people who stand up against them and question their actions loudly.

For them, breaking you away from those people who could take you away is imperative, and they will find ways of convincing you that those people who love you are only after something. You are better off without them. Your abuser will look after you.

You may also find that you are blamed for everything, whilst your own feelings are continuously minimised or mocked.

It’s subtle.

It’s manipulative.

And it is devastatingly real.

"I kept shrinking myself to make them comfortable- and then I disappeared."

There is an exhaustive list of what emotional abuse can look like, but below are just a few of the things to be aware of.

• Being criticised constantly, even for the smallest things

• Being made to feel guilty for having needs or setting boundaries

• Having your achievements, thoughts or feelings dismissed or mocked

• Being threatened with abandonment or rejection

• Being manipulated into doubting your own reality (gaslighting)

• Having affection or attention given and taken away as punishment

• Feeling trapped, even if there are no physical barriers

  
  

Even when you manage to get away, although you may not carry visible scars, emotional abuse will always leave a mark.

You might find yourself second-guessing everything you say.

You might feel anxious, jumpy, or numb.

You might have trouble trusting people—even the ones who are kind to you.

You may carry shame or guilt or a constant doubt that maybe, just maybe it was actually always your fault and you deserved everything that happened to you.

This next thing is vital for you to realise.

Until you do begin to accept this, the journey back to yourself will be all but impossible.

IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT. IT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT.

Stop. Step back and read that again. And then read it again and then again until you begin to believe it.

Abuse, no matter what form it takes is ever justified.

Because of the insidious nature of emotional abuse, it can feel incredibly isolating.

Many people won't see it or recognise it for what it is until they are so deep in it, it becomes almost impossible to see a way out.

Even then, it’s easy to question yourself and your reality—especially when the world can’t see what’s going on.

The thing to remember is, just because the world can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not real.

There are people who believe you, and there are people who love and will love you in the way you deserve to be loved.

Most importantly - there is a life beyond this. One where you can feel safe, respected, and loved without conditions.

"Healing didn’t begin the day I left. It began the day I started believing myself again."

If this speaks to something in you, then please know this:

You are not weak for being affected.

You are not dramatic for being hurt.

You are not broken. You are surviving, and we promise, healing is possible.

If you're experiencing emotional abuse, or you're not sure but something just doesn't feel right, please reach out. You are not alone. You are not to blame.

You can contact us via the contact form on the website, https://www.shatterthesilence.info/, via email at shatterthesilencene@gmail.com, or on the whatsapp number (07922 562752), and we will advise you on moving forward.

There are also some incredible charities in the UK where you can find support:

• National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) – Free, confidential, 24/7📞 0808 2000 247🌐 www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk

• Women's Aid (for women and children)🌐 www.womensaid.org.uk – Includes live chat, email support, and a directory of local services

• Mankind Initiative (for male survivors)📞 01823 334244 (Mon–Fri, 10am–4pm)🌐 www.mankind.org.uk

• Galop (LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Support)📞 0800 999 5428🌐 www.galop.org.uk

"There was a time I couldn’t name what was happening. Now I name it for what it was—abuse. And I survived it."

Let start to destroy the stigma around abuse and begin to Shatter the Silence.