Understanding Different Types of Abuse
- Shatter the Silence North East
- May 28
- 6 min read
There’s a kind of silence that lives in pain — the kind of pain people carry in their bodies when they’ve been hurt by someone who was supposed to care. Physical abuse is one of the most visible forms of harm, yet it’s often the least spoken about in a way that recognises what it actually does to a person.
It isn't just a slap, a shove or a blow.
It’s the fear.
The waiting.
The flinching.
The pretending everything’s fine when inside you feel like you’re disappearing.
This post is written for the survivors — and for those who still don’t have the words to name what’s happening to them. If you’ve ever wondered if what you’re experiencing “counts,” let me tell you: if it hurts, it counts.
The question is - What is Physical Abuse Really?
Physical abuse is always a deliberate act that causes bodily harm, pain, or injury. It’s not about anger or "losing control" — it’s about gaining control over another person.
Power, fear, and often, domination can be disguised as discipline or passion.
It isn't always bruises and close physical contact. It can manifest itself in several different ways - each of them as traumatic and damaging as the next and can include:
Hitting, punching, slapping
Kicking, pushing, biting
Choking or strangling
Burning, scalding, or cutting
Locking someone in a room
Throwing things at or near them
Blocking exits or restraining movement
Using weapons, or even threats of violence
The thing is, with physical violence as with any other, the damage is not just done through the act itself. It is what happens after too.
Many abusers will openly weep with remorse for their actions.
They will tell you they didn't mean to hurt you and will openly apologise, but within those words will be the quiet blame they throw at you like barbed knives.
Their apology will always come with caveats attached, and they will convince you that you were what made them do it.
The cycle is insidious and destructive and slowly destroys your sense of value, reality and self esteem.
For those who have been or are being physically abused, the damage is not always visible and doesn't always show itself through cuts and bruises.
Physical abuse can manifest in several different ways.
Your body, there to protect you creates coping mechanisms.
The damage done doesn't just affect you physically. It can impact your heart, mind and nervous system, leaving side effects that can linger on long after the physical injuries have already disappeared.
There are a multitude of side effects that can rear their ugly heads as a result of physical abuse, but some of the most common are below.
Anxiety, panic, and hypervigilance
This is explained often by survivors as a feeling of living on constant high alert. An abusers good mood can change in a millisecond, and never knowing what you may be walking in to can be one of the most crippling feelings you can experience.
Depression:
Low mood, lack of energy, and a fatigue that works its way into your soul can all be side effects of abuse leaving you struggling to cope with even the most simple of daily tasks.
Shame and guilt:
Many survivors blame themselves and will battle with that blame for years. Recognising that your abuse was not your fault is one of the hardest things to do. You learn what you live, and an abuser will always make their actions about something you did. Moving away from that is incredibly difficult to do without the right support in place.
PTSD or complex trauma:
PTSD is a very complex monster and can leave you with flashbacks, nightmares, emotional triggers and difficulty trusting others.
Dissociation:
This is a coping mechanism that allows you to 'zone out' or block what has happened. Although it allows you to continue on at the time, long term this is something that would need to be treated.
"It wasn't the punch that hurt. It was the fear that came with it. The fear that started when I saw his mood begin to change. The panic that flooded through my body when I knew he was beginning to get angry. The punch was almost a relief from the absolute terror surging through me before it happened. It meant the focus moved and for just a few seconds, all I could feel was the thud of his fist against my face and the shove that knocked me over, leaving me dazed and in a heap next to the radiator with blood dripping down my face."
Physical abuse doesn't just leave you with emotional scars, but also with severe physical health effects.
The assumption that this type of abuse is primarily just bruising is incorrect. Your body is living in survival mode.
This can leave you with extreme fatigue which radiates not just through your day to day existence and ability to manage, but will leave you more vulnerable to infections, injuries may take longer to heal and joint pain can become common throughout your whole body. The high levels of stress on the body can also be responsible for conditions like IBS, insomnia, nightmares and issues with appetite.
Many survivors will also avoid seeking medical help or intervention. This can leave them with lifechanging injuries due to the fear of being questioned by a Doctor or Nurse.
Alongside that, there is also a huge social and relational impact.
Its common for an abuser to slowly remove everyone from your circle. Family, friends, work collegues - all of them become a threat to their control. The smaller your circle, the more they can control you.
Your ability to show physical intimacy will begin to disappear. Being touched, hugged or even simply looked at can begin to feel like a threat.
You may swing between hyper-independance and codependancy. You become more and more withdrawn because it feels safer to remove yourself from people, but at the same time, you may become clingy and dependant on people because it also feels safer to keep people close.
So, the million dollar question - why don't people just leave?
Believe it or not, this question actually causes more harm than good, and until you have found yourself in this situation, it is almost impossible to understand why.
Staying will look like something completely different to everyone, but some of the more common reasons are:
Fear of escalation or revenge
Financial dependence
Children involved
Emotional manipulation or trauma bonding
Cultural, religious, or community pressure
Nowhere else to go
Its not weakness that keeps someone in a home with an abuser. Plain and simple - its survival and survivors are anything but weak.
Healing from physical abuse isn’t a neat process. It’s layered and messy.
Some days it looks like therapy.
Some days it looks like getting out of bed, and some days, it’s simply learning to feel your body again, not as a battleground, but as a home.
The healing process starts with some basics:
Rebuilding self-trust
Naming what happened without shame
Speaking to a trauma-informed professional
Finding safe relationships that honour your voice
Relearning what safety feels like — physically, emotionally, spiritually
“It will never be about forgetting but about recognising that I am so much more than what happened and what I have chosen to become as a result is so much more than he ever will be. My experience didn't make me angry. It taught me pity. My experience didn't leave me selfish. It taught me empathy. My experience could have destroyed me but instead I chose to use it for something so much more. He took enough of me when we were together. He doesn't get to do that anymore..."
If you're reading this and it feels familiar, then we need you to listen to what we have to say next because this is vital.
You did not cause this.
You are not to blame.
You are not broken.
What has, or is still happening to you is real, and your pain is valid.
You are not alone.
You are not overreacting.
You can get through this and there are people waiting to help you without judgement. People who will support you, help you find safety and give you the space to heal.
You just have to ask.
You are so much more than the violence.
So much more than the silence.
So much more than the survival.
You are brave.
You are worthy.
You deserve love, safety and care.
You are worth a life that does not hurt you and you don't need anyone's permission to start again.
For help and advice, contact us on 07922 562752 or at shatterthesilencene@gmail.com.
You can also fill out the contact form on the home page.
Below are also a few other charities and support groups in place that will be able to help:
National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge) — 0808 2000 247 — Free, 24/7 and confidential
Women's Aid Live Chat — womensaid.org.uk
Mankind Initiative (for male survivors) — 01823 334244
Suzy Lamplugh Trust (Stalking support) — 0808 802 0300
Local domestic abuse services — Generally listed on your council’s website or available via the NHS
Its time to #shatterthesilence
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