Simple Self care - Meditation

Self care is a huge thing now, and whilst we all talk about, when in an abusive environment, practicing it can be very difficult.

We wanted to use Sundays as a self care day and share some small hints and tips that will hopefully help you to look after yourself the best you can until you are at a point where you are able to leave.

Its really important to remember though, self care is not big things. It can be, but for the most part, it is the most simple things that can change the dynamic of your day in the smallest way.

When you're in an abusive environment, it can seem exceptionally difficult to do the most basic of things, so its important to remember that even if it feels small, it is huge, and that one tiny achievement will lead you into something a little bigger each time.

You just have to take that first step. After all, self care is what you make it.

So, what are this weeks self care tips?

This week, we wanted to focus on meditation and the time and value it can bring to your life.

Meditation is a powerful act of self care, no matter what your situation. Within an abusive relationship however, whilst it will never fix the situation, what it does do is help you ground yourself, manage stress and reconnect with your own voice when everything else feels out of control.

The very act of meditation is a way of connecting with your inner self and quietening the noise from outside, creating space to breathe and helping to slow things down.

A common side effect of an abusive relationship is the feeling of being on high alert constantly. Meditation changes that.

With a very simple process, it begins to slow things down and changes the moments from reactive to still and gentle.

It is also a way of recognising the value of your feelings, your thoughts and what is true.

Abuse is about leaving you in a spin, not knowing whether you are right or wrong and manipulating you to their way of thinking.

What meditation does is cut through all the white noise, and remind you that actually, everything you think and feel is massively important and your truth is who you are.

Even 5 minutes, as short as that may seem, is a massive boost to the nervous system. It can help to slow down the initial fight of flight response, reduce panic and overwhelm and stop your thoughts from spiralling out of control.

You may not be able to stop the person in question hurting you, but you can control it by closing your eyes, feeling your breath and coming back to yourself. Over time, this very small and simple act will help to strengthen you. It will allow you to observe your emotions without being controlled by them and hopefully give you the strength to start pulling away.

So how do you begin?

It starts small.

We have all seen videos of meditation and how long it can go on for, and whilst that may seem intimidating, the reality is that it doesn't need to be anywhere near that length of time. The quality of those moments is what matters, and you can soothe your stresses in as little as 5 minutes if the focus is there.

Its vital that you give yourself permission to start where you are and don't put too much pressure on yourself.

There are a ton of guided meditations online. One of our favourites can be found on youtube. He is called Jason Stephenson, and his meditations have proved really fantastic time and again.

Focussing on grounding also helps.

Grounding is a way of anchoring your body and can be something as simple as feeling your feet on the floor or focusing on the rythymn of your breath. We will go into grounding in more depth at a later date, but sometimes, just recognising the feeling of standing on the earth is a huge help.

Within a meditation, affirmations can also be massive.

Something as simple as closing your eyes and saying something like:

"I am safe in this moment."

"I am allowed to take care of me" can be huge.

The repetitive use of these types of phrases will begin to remind you of your value, and in time will help as you come closer to leaving.

Its important when meditating to find a comfortable space. Whether it be a settee, the corner of a bedroom or the beach, you need to be able to relax enough to focus on you for just a short while.

It won't change the situation, and you will find that your mind wanders and that is okay, but what meditation does is give you a lifeline - a way of finding moments of peace, clarity, care and connection to yourself even though things seem dark.

You are allowed to look after yourself, even when someone tells you that you're not, and more importantly, the strength you will gain over time from doing so will work towards helping you get out.